Batman v. Superman: A Self-Serious Mess of Unbearable Length

There are two types of serious movies: those that are fundamentally serious and those that are trying to be serious. The first kind is promising, and the second is a promise that the movie is trying to compensate for something. Zack Snyder's Batman v. Superman is a self-serious, stale, and shallow serving of superhero pulp that's trying to be far more than what it actually is, which is the cinematic equivalent of clickbait. Granted, there's an inherent level of seriousness to the mythos of Batman himself, but as is always the case when it comes to movies such as these, what you say is far from as important as how you say it. Let me use Matt Reeves's excellent The Batman to make a comparison. Reeves's exploration of Batman is a thoughtful and largely successful drama driven by a desire to both reinvent and reminisce on who Bruce Wayne is on a fundamental level as a human being. In contrast, Batman v. Superman is more interested in using Wayne's broken psyche as just another flavor of dark. The greater movie, a surprisingly restrained and introspective look at how trauma affects a person, is dark because the depth of its subject matter demands it. The lesser, little more than two-and-a-half unbearably long hours of Snyder playing with action figures, is dark either because it can be or because it doesn't know what else to be.

Batman v. Superman is little more than a moody, self-serious re-skin of the type of spectacle you would see in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. On some level, I admire its commitment to a flavor. On others, I struggle to understand why it didn't point its oppressive tone in the direction of somewhere meaningful, opting instead to repeatedly play a one-note chorus like some wind-up toy monkey with a broken winder. This movie is so much sound and fury, ultimately signifying nothing more than an undeservingly serious superhero outing without the brains to realize or justify its hoped-for maturity. This movie wants so desperately to be seen as emotionally intelligent when, in reality, it only knows how to be emotionally forceful. It's also a shame that it puts so much effort into so much fluff, that it has such a hard time finding a story to commit to. Within its first twenty minutes, we've visited three continents, reintroduced two different superheroes and their associates, and introduced some red herrings that reveal nothing new about our well-established characters and their well-established friends and colleagues. It's so much action with so little meaning behind it. I won't sugarcoat it: rarely have I seen a movie do so little with so much. Watching it was often like watching someone try to run on air. You could almost call it impressive.

Despite all of its shortcomings, I'd be lying if I said that this movie wasn't an occasional treat for the eyes. There are moments in Batman v. Superman - albeit rare - where the visuals of this movie become a beautiful and wind-swept portrait of desaturated and gloomy nature, particularly in several dream sequences set around Wayne Manor. This movie isn't high art, but it's putting forth a half-hearted effort to be, and a half-hearted effort still produces some manner of result. The aspect ratio of the movie even changes when Bruce and Clark begin to fight each other, perhaps the prime example of the selective visual flair in Batman v. Superman - selective still allows a level of existent. But most of the time, this movie is trying too hard to be more than it actually is - the cinematic equivalent of a kid messing around with his action figure collection. Much of it happens because something in Zack Snyder's mind needs to watch Batman and Superman fight each other. Too much of it is all too contrived, and too little has any natural flow. What's worse, it's grossly imbalanced. One of its major players doesn't even appear in the movie until the final act; one may wonder why Snyder even bothered including her at all. All of this adds up to so much paint and so little picture. This is a loud, big, obnoxious movie with too much money and not enough mindfulness.

Ultimately, the biggest problem I have with Batman v. Superman is that it's trying to be far more than its premise suggests, without bothering to put meaningful thought or legwork into transcending the conventions of other movies like it, or even into building up the conflict between the Caped Crusader and the Metropolis Marvel. It artificially wanders all over the world, trying to fill up the runtime before ushering in its main attraction, seemingly doing everything except actually putting any meaningful work into building towards its climactic conflict. It feels long because it's trying to be far longer than it needs to be, and the gaps are readily identifiable. Snyder falls into too many of them.

Batman v. Superman - 4/10

Galatians 6:3-4